It has been almost 23 years since you’ve placed me on this planet. In these years, I’ve learnt that everything you put into the universe is there for a reason. I never questioned the existence of anything up until now. But now, I sincerely do not understand WHY and I feel compelled to ask you something.
A few weeks ago, I realized that the little vacant space behind my last molars was a little raw and painful. My tongue kept wandering to that little niche at the back of my mouth, trying to understand why those perfectly ok gums should feel so awful.
Two days later, I realized that something was jabbing the inner side of my right cheek. I found a tiny shard of something white in that previously sore gum. It was jutting out, right into my cheek! At first, I thought it was a chicken bone or something that had gotten stuck there but soon discovered that it was, in fact, only the tip of the proverbial iceberg; A new tooth was emerging there! That thing made sure that my cheek stayed wary of my gum line. It was ruining a perfectly harmonious relationship and I wasn’t too happy about that.
Another couple of days later, I noticed that I’d become clumsier with my chewing. My well-mannered teeth had taken to chomping on the left side of my tongue at disturbingly frequent intervals! So for a while, it was *chomp* *chomp* *chomp* *oow!* *chomp* *chomp* *ouch!* *chomp* *aah!*. I wondered if my tongue had swollen or something but no! I found two sneaky teeth emerging from the upper and lower left jaw and no, they wouldn’t do it the right way. No sire! They wanted to ‘stand out’ so to speak and like mutinous teenagers, they had started growing inwards, promptly chomping my poor, harmless and soft-spoken tongue!
That wasn’t the end of it! Those ill-mannered new comers first had the audacity of popping up uninvited then of wreaking havoc in my otherwise peaceful mouth! Then they decide that the vacant space at the back wasn’t enough for their Mighty Highness so they’ve been rowdily jostling and pushing my old teeth to squat their fat asses at the back of my mouth! Like encroachers, not only have they occupied the ‘open spaces’ in the neighborhood but are now even harassing the locals! And they have holed up right at the back in such a manner that it is practically impossible to clean them like I clean the others with the tooth-brush twice a day! They will eventually collect dirt and that will be unhygienic for everyone!
They have spoiled a perfectly peaceful and harmonious neighborhood! Now my raw tongue and right inner cheek have become short-tempered. Hot and Spicy food, who were regulars are no longer welcome since they don’t get along well with Tongue and Cheek. My perfectly aligned teeth are now at odds with each other since these encroachers have completely unsettled everyone’s positions! What used to be a friendly place where any sort of food was welcome has now become a snappy, biting nasty mouth where only meek, compliant and no-fun food can enter without much objection.
I cannot tell you how upset this has made me! I know that even as my tongue rears in rebellion at the mention of spicy chicken wings, there is a part of it that misses the flavors. This isn’t a healthy atmosphere and I know that the higher management (Stomach, intestine etc) doesn’t approve much of the way things are falling apart here. They too have been upset at the sort of half chewed, low variety food being passed on for processing.
So all in all, there is total disarray happening here.
I am at a complete loss! I don’t understand WHY you’d suddenly decide to give me these four extra chunks of calcium? I see absolutely no purpose in their existence! They are rowdy, they don’t know how to chew, they haven’t even grown up properly and I know that for the sake of the rest of my mouth, I will be getting them removed. So what’s the point? The pain of it all and the discomfort to the rest of the teeth?
Also, I was taken aback to know that a whopping 35% of people don’t even have these (sic) ‘wisdom’ teeth (I couldn’t find a greater misnomer if I went looking for it!). So what’s this? Do you just sit on a cloud with a view and randomly chuck them at the world and see who gets them? Is it your time pass?
Maybe it is. Maybe you find it funny to watch us struggle with the insides of our own mouths for weeks on end! Maybe that’s why you don’t even get them to come out correctly. What do you do? Collect all the rowdiest teeth and then chuck those at us?
Anyway, I’m done entertaining you for now. I’m off to the orthodontist. I’m getting these intruders evicted and how! I’m gonna have to spend a bomb on this eviction drive but nonetheless. Also, I’m gonna get them crushed in a crusher just to make sure you don’t get to reuse them! Just in case, you know.
Note to readers: This is a humor piece written for no good reason. I am well aware of all the philosophies of patience and tolerance that go with the tale of the reason of wisdom teeth. I don’t believe in those. I think we’re just stuck between two stages of evolution where humans will stop having those teeth since we don’t need them. Like some generations of humans were stuck with a slouch, we are stuck with these teeth. So, I do know the factual and philosophical stuff. But knowing that doesn’t help with the pain. So this post is just for venting. Ok?