Posted by: miilee | September 16, 2009

Good ol’ Sam…

I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Sam….

It’s the one thought that keeps coming back to me over and over again. It’s been more than two years now….almost three actually, but I just can’t get myself to think about Sam without thinking about how I left for college that morning without realizing that the hurried pat that I gave him before walking away would be the last one I’d ever give. It just didn’t strike me.

Sam was not just any dog. He was my baby. He’d found me. He’d come to me like a blessing from above. He was the one who had banished my mortal fears of canine proximity with just one chocolate eyed, love-filled gaze. He came to me when I was confused, troubled and hurting inside and had no way of sharing with absolutely any other living soul on this planet. It was one of those times that everyone goes through in their teens. I was restless, and pointlessly angry all the time. He became that friend that I had desperately needed. He was the one who’d sit by me through my night hours of last minute studies. He was the one who listened to me patiently when I had to say something. He was the one who sat by my side silently when I was left with nothing to say. He was the one who lay his huge, soft, fluffy head in my lap when I felt lonely and lost. He was the one who gently licked my tears when no one else knew I was crying. He was the one who knew when I was musing thoughts that I shouldn’t and who dragged me out of my low state of mind by pulling and tugging at me till I gave in to his antics and went out for a run with him at my heels. I always found it a little difficult to stand up to people. But it was he who stood by my side when I stood up to this guy my mate was dating. I told him off for having hit her and actually threatened him when my insides were turning to jelly. And all through, Sam stood next to me like a brother and when the guy made a threatening move, the growl that Sam gave would have frozen a better man……

I spent two amazing years with him. Years full of memories that I will cherish all my life. He made me feel special, with all that love he gave me. He never held grudges and forgave so easily that the offender felt guilty. He was protective about me. He loved selflessly and I haven’t met too many people who would fit that description. If there was one successful relationship that I had, Sam was that.

It was in the December of my 12th standard that the decision was taken about us leaving Lonavla to settle in Mumbai.  Where it was a said thing to have a dog in a huge bungalow in Lonavla, it definitely was out of question to have one in the tiny flat we were planing to use in the city. We’d spoken to a family friend to see if he could find a new home for Sam. I remember the lump that had bobbed up my throat when I’d tried to get the words out. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but yet I did. For hours into the night. Still do…. I knew I was doing the right thing. Sam was a free spirit. It would have been cruel to force him to live in the city with cars and claustrophobic apartments where he couldn’t bark at cows and run to his heart’s content in a large garden. Yet, when I came back that day to discover that he had been taken to his new home, I couldn’t hold back my agony. He was gone. Without a goodbye… But then, this was the right thing… Yes, he had to stay here; this was his home. He’d be miserable anywhere else, that’s a fact. But it  also remains a fact that I was miserable for months without him. Even now when I think of him, I become that confused, angry teenager, unable to fathom why things had to happen they way they did…. and then,  I try to imagine his wet nose against my palm; his way of reassuring me, of telling me everything was gonna be alright….. I just wish I didn’t have to imagine that though…..



  1. I’m sure Sam must hav missed u….
    My Mom still used to say about the Cows she loved during her school days…..
    really touching

    • animals have this way of giving their undivided love and attention to people who genuinely love and care for them… once you get used to that sort of affection because you don’t find people like that…

  2. ❤ … WHY?

  3. WHY… 😥

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