Posted by: miilee | October 29, 2010

You Will Be Missed…


He looked down at the paper. He didn’t know what to write. He didn’t know if there was even a point in writing anything; would anyone read? Would anyone want to know why he did it? Would anyone care if he didn’t turn up tomorrow morning?

Wait a minute.

Turn up where?

There was no one on this planet who’d sense his absence. They may not even find his body till it didn’t give off a stink and disturb the sensitive nostrils of the neighbourhood.

It was dark outside the window. He dropped the pen again and began weeping. He felt like he was the last person on the planet.

He didn’t know where his life was headed to. He felt like a kid who’d walked into the woods after a butterfly and then the sun had set. Now there was just him, the darkness, scary shadows around him and everything else that was much much bigger than him. But he didn’t feel like a kid who’d curl up and call out for mommy and daddy, wishing they’d come for him; knowing they must be worried about him. He was a kid who knew that no one was coming for him. No one was looking for him. Not even that butterfly. He was alone.

Such was his loneliness that he felt sidelined by his own life. Rhea, the woman he’d married out of love fifteen years ago hadn’t seen his face in over three years. And he still loved her. She didn’t even know he’d left the city a month ago. It hurt.

His kids thought of him as some loser who came with lame presents every Christmas and he had no way of proving them wrong. He couldn’t afford the sort of gifts Rhea and her family got for them. On the other hand, he knew they were not growing up in the right manner. What with Blackberries and PS3’s and way too much money to be spent unsupervised, he knew they were doing things they shouldn’t be doing. But he had absolutely no say in that. That hurt too.

His only supporter in the world, his mother had passed away a year ago. In his grief, his father had turned to Rhea for comfort instead of him. He didn’t even ask, “Son, would you mind if I stayed at your place? I can’t face this alone!” He cried on Rhea’s shoulder and moved into her house to be taken care of. That had been shattering.

No one turned to him. He had no one to turn to. No one asked him how he was. No one wanted to know if he’d eaten his food or not. No one wanted to know how his day was. No one wanted him.

So when that was the case, what point remained in a suicide note? Who cared anyway?

Yet he wanted to write it. He wanted to put it on paper. Maybe a cop will read it and feel bad for him. Or maybe it will reach Rhea and she’ll repent what she’d done to him. Maybe it will become a news story in some paper. Or maybe….

Somewhere deep inside, he knew no one would read it. But he wanted so much to be heard. He wanted someone’s attention. He wanted someone to care about him enough to need an explanation for his suicide. He wanted someone to come to his grave every year and leave flowers and cry a little. It wasn’t much that he wanted; all he wanted was to be that child in his mother’s lap and to hear that he was the most precious thing in the world…..

* * *

Patricia hustled; she was late. She had to get the upper room cleaned before the new tenant got back from his morning walk. He had a sad face and she always felt the urge to stroke his hair back from his forehead and give him a hug like she hugged her son when he was troubled. They barely knew anything about the man, except for the fact that he was from the city and he’d been here for a month. She hauled her pail and mop up the steps to the upper rooms. The door was ajar so she walked right in. The window was open so that the cold winter wind rattled inside the room. She went and closed it. As she did that, her eye fell upon the rickety coffee table by the sill; there was a note on it.

“I’m going to mom. I know she still cares. Bye”

Intrigued, she turned it, hoping to find something more substantial. It was blank. She shrugged her shoulders and began with the cleaning. Maybe he was writing something and this was a rough bit. But it had been carefully positioned to catch one’s eye. Was it the stranger’s way of saying he was leaving? He’d paid for two months when he’d come in and he’d had no luggage. It was puzzling, she thought as a frown creased her brow and she continued mopping the floor.

* * *

Rob hated the winters. Keeping a watch when there was snow piling around one’s ears was not on his ‘to-do’ list. Plus, he’d been given the evening shift near the graveyard. He absolutely hated winters. He rubbed his gloved hands together and turned his collar against the wind. If he was lucky, he could still find a hot-dog stall and get a bite to eat.

No such luck. There was nothing in sight. So he walked into the graveyard to take one round, praying that there weren’t any wayward teenagers smoking up. He walked down the central path, looking closely at the larger graves for hunched figures. He was convinced that there was no one in and turned around to make his way out. It was then that he saw the mound near one of the graves in the further corners. He called out once, figuring that if it were a vagabond or a beggar, they’d move but there was no movement. He pulled out his flashlight and walked over to the grave.

What he saw made his heart stop for a moment and then wilt for the man at the grave. He must have been in his forties. He’d been sleeping by the grave with an arm over it, as if he were hugging it; a filted, frowen weed-flower clutched in his dead fist. His lifeless cheeks were blue but one could see tear marks faintly etched there.

Upon the headstone were the words,

“Kayla Robins. 1937-2008. Loving wife and a Priceless Mother. You will be missed.”

Above it, a stone angle in the form of a beautiful woman stood reaching out,  gently and lovingly to the figure below.

“Kayla Robins” Rob muttered under his breath as he ruefully eyed the man’s prone figure. “Guess your boy really needed you.”

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Responses

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Yogesh, Maithili Desai. Maithili Desai said: You Will Be Missed…: http://wp.me/pDvVG-dG […]

  2. I really liked the subtlety with which you penned this story … as if exposing itself layer by layer .. the anguish is so well epitomized by the eerie silence …
    d want of affection “It wasn’t much that he wanted; all he wanted was to be that child in his mother’s lap and to hear that he was the most precious thing in the world…..” and a few other lines : “It was puzzling, she thought as a frown creased her brow and she continued mopping the floor.” + “Guess your boy really needed you.” .. Great job 🙂 #respect

    • I’m glad you liked it… 🙂

  3. Liked reading it, feelings are to deep we all mighty have faced some situations similar to these of feeling unwanted but some of us face them with strong heart and some break down depends a lot with how we take it and what we are going through. Thanks Milee

    • I’m glad you stopped by to rad… 🙂 even more glad that you liked what you read.. 🙂 Feel free to share the post.

  4. Do you generally write such dark themes….

    comprehensive plot, though the end was the best. “Guess your boy really needed you”

    Very well written, though for such a lively person that you’re on twitter, you do write on very dark themes….

    lighten up the mood every once in a while… it will help…..

    • Come to think of it, I sure have become a moribund writer. I guess I’ll hit the refresh button. I guess I like the note that Melancholy touches in me. Need to have a heart-to-hear with that ‘ol fellow, Cheer… 😉 In the meanwhile, you might want to read some of my more cheerful writings from sometime ago if you haven’t already read them:
      Something Stupid
      Good Night…… Really??!?!?!
      The Goddess of Facebook Notes, Insomnia and me.
      The Frown

      You might just find them a little more cheerful… 😉

      • 🙂 Its good to hear, I’ve read the previous ones too… its only off late as you rightly mentioned that your thoughts / posts have become Melancholy….. maybe its only the times we live in, or maybe something much more sinister inside……

        😉 😛 LOL

        Keep posting something lively….

        c u around.

  5. reallly good one 🙂 can’t express it in words!

  6. I have come here after such a long time.. And look what I have been missing. Absolutely stunning the way you write.

    A very gripping tale of a heartless world and a man starved of love, who ultimately found it by his mother’s grave.

    Heartbreaking.

    • Glad you liked it Pooja. I am into a story writing mode now a days… might just churn out a few more… 🙂

  7. You painted the thoughts wonderfully well that the reader could very well see the disgusted fellow. At a point of time I even started expecting that the lonely man would decide against his chosen destiny, and felt sad when he did not.

  8. rarely do i get to read such layered and sad tale. Its upsetting to see some one reach this stage in life !

    • Who said life is good… there’s loads of sad stuff out there…

      • but not always it touches you unless its your own !

      • that’s true…

  9. u write too good miillee ..I am moved…
    ur writings have rekindled my blogging interests
    visit http://www.parasaran.com
    like to have ur comments..
    bye
    para

    • thanks! glad you liked the post.. 🙂


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