Posted by: miilee | April 26, 2011

That Thing Called ‘Unconditional Love’


First and foremost, apologies to all my readers; Its been a long time since I wrote anything. To my defense, I’ve been keeping some strange work hours and thus have rarely had the time and the energy to pen down anything worth reading. I’d been planning to put down a large number of things; things that randomly pop into my head as I churn on day after day. I had some short stories in mind and even a few potential poems. But seeing the current circumstances, I think I’ll keep those for later and ponder aloud about the one thing that’s been on my mind for a few days now; unconditional love.

I find it amusing how people believe in unconditional love. They say that unconditional love means loving someone irrespective of any conditions; for nothing more or less than what they are. I find that a contradiction in itself. Doesn’t it mention the condition that the person being loved is loved because of what he/she is? When I say I love someone for who they are, my first condition is that they remain who they are. That means that I may stop loving them if they cease being who they are, i.e. if they change.

Now that’s not something I want to be in! If someone loves me ‘despite all my flaws and faults; for who I am’ and I accept that love, I may be putting myself in a ditch. Because any change on my part may result in the reduction of the affections of the lover; definitely not a prospect I look forward to since I know myself (and human tendencies) enough to know that all of us are bound to change over time.

I know that makes me sound like some sort of an anti-love cynic. But I assure you that I am the complete romantic; just with a little more practicality if you may.

So here is what I want as opposed to Unconditional Love. I want someone who knows my flaws, faults, highs, lows, plusses and strengths and accepts that all of them may change and yet would want to stick by me when they do. Someone who knows that nothing in this world is permanent or free of conditions and that includes me and he’d still want to be the one I run to when in trouble. I want someone who’d put conditions to love like trust, faith and honesty. Someone who’d mark out the boundaries and be clear about what he expects and what could be expected of him. Someone rational and practical enough to know that love can be dreamy but it isn’t a dream. That there are troubles and hard patches that one must overcome. Someone logical enough to know that being dreamy eyed isn’t all there is to being in love; that it also entails the sharing of responsibilities and pulling one’s own weight in the larger picture. Someone who’d live up to my expectations and who’s expectations I’d want to live up to. Someone wise enough to know that there will be times when he’d feel like killing me but would want to give it a shot anyway. Someone who’ll love me not despite or because of my flaws; but because he wants to love me.

It is a very practical, logical looking demand that I’m making; almost utopic in its nature. But I confess that it isn’t without a healthy dose of romanticism. There is the usual list of ‘has to be’ factors involved; good looking, well built but not a blown up gymaholic, protective and possessive but not to the neurotic level, good thinker, intelligent, good conversationalist, witty and humorous, someone with a mind of his own, blah blah. Fortune seems to have done me a favor by giving me what I seek; A friend I can spend the rest of my life with, knowing full well that he isn’t a Greek god and he doesn’t want me to be a celestial princess either. We’ll be just two human beings, trying to make our way together; that’s the condition to my love.

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Responses

  1. Firstly, many congratulations on finding him. It is a rare occurence, and you are blessed.

    While I’d like to, ideally, argue behind the logic of the opening premise, I fear I’d get too much into rhetoric and irony to make it a worthwhile exercise. However, I must say you’ve nailed it, with as much elegance as one can nail things with, in that second paragraph up there.

    Neither did I find it logical, nor unreasonable. It is the universal prayer we all make – to find one voice who will resonate with our own, the one shoulder who’d love to bear our tears, the one soul who’d love to listen to our whispers. Rare it is, and truly very utopic, but something worth fighting for.

    Something worth living for.

    • First of, thanks for commenting.. 🙂
      Well, I guess this whole love, relationship is a matter so complex that one can’t make any standard assumptions about it. I guess each of our beliefs reflect what we experience in our own lives.
      Thanks again for reading and thanks for your wishes. I’m hopeful enough to see a future for myself but practical enough to know not to get too attached to it..

  2. Hey, nicely written but the term ‘Unconditional Love’ shouldn’t be taken literally and Love is in itself a very complicated subject. Well you can have look at my blog about friendship at http://shirsendu.wordpress.com/2011/02/24/16/

    • Thanks for commenting… I guess it is a subjective topic… 🙂

  3. Well, we are a comment hungry lot, aren’t we? Though, by these beautiful pageants and certificates on this here sidebar, I don’t think you have any paucity. You’re welcome, really.

    🙂

    As far as the thread goes, I really think love is simple. Very, to be honest. It is a force, with a will of its own. You don’t control it, you just be. Relationships, on the other hand, are really the cause of trouble. The Heart, left on its own, is a pretty fine workman. Add the Mind, and you bring trouble.

    As Gulzar wrote:

    “Humnein dekhi hai un aankhon ki mehekti khushbu,
    Haath se chhu ke use, rishton ka ilzaam na do…
    Sirf ehsaas hai, rooh se mehsoon karo,
    Pyar ko pyar hi rehne do, koi naam na do…”

    Love his words.

    • Couldn’t have worded that better! Well, I agree about love on its own being simple… but it does change your life.. for better or for worse…
      Twice, it almost threw me in the depth of melancholy…. but I seem to have had appealed to Fate in a favorable manner… I’m now having my days of smiles… 🙂

  4. nice and PRACTICALLy written 😉

    • Thanks.. Glad you liked it.. 🙂

  5. beery nice 🙂
    i quite like the practicality you brought to the subject …
    mast hai !

    • Thanks.. glad you liked it… 🙂

  6. The word is ‘Love’.
    We add words before and after for example: unconditional – why?

  7. Nice ! Agree to most of it ! 🙂 After my little tryst with love itself, I came to a conclusion ” To each his own , Suit yourself ” .

    I am a bit old fashioned romantic, but with clear understanding of practical life. I liked your comment ” I’m hopeful enough to see a future for myself but practical enough to know not to get too attached to it.. ”

    Well, wishes on finding someone special !

    I dunno if i should say this, but i’ll say it anyways – Just remember, even he is a human being … guys just need one thing more than anything else , even more than love – Understanding. – ” To win a guy Love him 10 % but Understand him 90% ” A guy needs more understanding than love. And they need TIME too .. They are a more unsorted lot .

    Cheers !

    • Hey, thanks for reading and double thanks for commenting…. You know, there’s one thing I’ve learnt from all those friends I’ve counseled during or after bad relationships…… Sometimes, understanding makes better partners than love.
      Let me put it this way; Love is a good cement but I’d rather have understanding as the foundation stone… 🙂


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